I am doing overnight duty, curled up in the recliner in the fireplace room. Not sleeping, listening to the clock chime. A short chime every quarter hour, a longer chime at the half hour, the longest chime at the top of the hour, including a bong for each hour. There is no sleeping between chimes which rouse me if I get close to dozing off. Finally at 1:45 it occurs to me to see if I can adjust the clock somehow. I tiptoe to the shelf and pull it down, much lighter than I thought it would be. There are settings on the back which I tinker with for a while, first switching it to only go off on the hour, but it goes off again 15 minutes later, then a switch for no sound, which has no effect at all as it continues its relentless song. Finally I take a chance and switch it to the off position. I settle back in the recliner and watch the clock to see what happens. 2:00AM comes and goes with no chime. Ah, sweet success. Oddly, I am now fully awake and despite being exhausted, feel unready to sleep. At 2:45 I can hear Dad moving down the hallway behind me, shuffle shuffle and click of the cane. He gestures that I should relinquish the chair and go upstairs to try and sleep – he will take over this overnight post.
I thank him and make my way upstairs into my waiting sleeping bag, comfy and warm and ready to rest. Now that I can, I can’t. I lie in my cozy nest, perfectly relaxed and warm and wide awake for another 2 hours. Finally, I drift off and get in a couple of rounds of REM –I hope –and gently slide into wakefulness as the weak gray morning light slips through the windows. It is 6:39. I may have gotten 2 hours. Happy first day of 2023.
The drive is not bad. Flooded farm fields begging for skates to cut their surface at the next freeze. Hawks dropping from power lines to hunt in spent rows of harvested corn. Today, a barred owl surveying the grasses beneath her perch.
In the afternoon I wipe countertops as my Dad asks me what I think of our patient moving to a 24-7 care facility. We chat about it a bit. He says he respects my opinion, he values my perspective. It fills me with tenderness for him.